Legal Question in Family Law in Oregon

Will custody change even if the modification order does not request it?

My ex and I have been at odds since our divorce 8 years ago. However, we've maintained 50/50 parenting time and joint custody all this time until April this year. Since then, my two teenage children have chosen to stay with their dad 100% of the time (they never come here now). Long story short, kids don't like the rules my husband and I have and we don't live near their school. Dad is in outpatient rehab and has his parents stepping in to help whenever he needs it (before asking me to help). With grandparents always bailing him out, the message to the kids is that ''you don't need mom.'' The modification order is just asking for a change in parenting time; no CS or custody change. However, I've heard that if this makes it to court, custody will go to one parent and the joint custody will go by the wayside. My ex is already acting like he has full custody and communicates nothing to me about my kids' school or health. I've just about given up because the kids think this is what they want and they can just cut me out of the picture. I have an attorney but have spent my retainer and can't afford to deposit more $. Frankly, I don't feel any progress has been made and I just want to sign off and be done but don't want to lose custody.


Asked on 7/20/08, 12:43 am

1 Answer from Attorneys

Lawrence D. Gorin, Atty. Law Offices of Lawrence Gorin

Re: Will custody change even if the modification order does not request it?

Safest strategy is probably to just leave well-enough alone. The kids are now teenagers. If they now are with dad and wish to stay with dad, your obtaining a court order that effectively �forces� them to visit (or spend �parenting time�) with you will end up being an exercise in futility. They will end up coming to you unhappy, mad, angry and hostile and will remain that way the entire time they are with you, no matter what you do or say, until they go back �home� to dad�s place. This will not be a good situation for you, nor for them. For now, they have your phone number and know that they can reach you anytime they want. Trying to force yourself on your teenage children is rarely if ever successful. And it you do it, you may end-up jeopardizing the chances of having a positive parent-child relationship in their future years when they become adults (which occurs, by the when they are 18 y/o, at which time they will no longer be in the custody of either parent).

Under Oregon, joint custody is premised on the notion that the parents, although divorced, have the ability and willingness to continue to function cooperatively as parents, following a divorce, and can work-out and reach mutual agreement regarding the allocation of time sharing with their children, do so without need for court intervention.

From a judge�s perspective, if parents who originally agreed to joint custody now have to return to court to get a court order resolving a parenting time dispute or disagreement, it will be viewed as a pretty good sign that the what the parents originally had in mind when they agreed to joint custody is no longer workable. And in that circumstance, the court may very well terminate joint custody, grant full custody to one parent or the other, and then render a order specifying the parenting time, if any, to be accorded to the noncustodial parent.

Under Oregon law, ORS 107.169, �the court shall not order joint custody unless both parents agree to the terms and conditions of the order.� Further, �modification of a joint custody order shall require showing of changed circumstances and a showing that the modification is in the best interests of the child.� Lastly, �inability or unwillingness to continue to cooperate shall

constitute a change of circumstances sufficient to modify a joint custody order.�

As I said earlier, best advice is to just leave well-enough alone.

LAWRENCE D. GORIN

http://www.divorcesource.com/OR/pages/ldgorin.html


Law Offices of L.D. Gorin

521 S.W. Clay St., Suite 205

Portland, Oregon 97201

Telephone: 503.224.8884

Fax: 503.226.1321

E-mail: [email protected]

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Answered on 7/20/08, 1:23 am


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