Legal Question in Family Law in California

I am divorced. Mediation and conciliation agreement since 2001. 50/50 split in time with child. Judge ruled school area with me, mom. My son's now 12. I recently found out he calls step-mom "mom". That's not my issue. My issue is WHY he does. I learned my son was told by his father, after he and step-mom separated briefly, that my son should call her "Mom" for a list of reasons. Some included, it doesn't matter who gave birth to you, she's been in your life since you were 3, she does the same things as your mom, she considers you her own child, etc. Also, I found text message on son's phone wherein, step- mom tells my son "You will be with Valerie (that's me) this week :( ". She calls me by my first name to my son instead of saying you'll be with your Mom. Is all this combined a form of parental alienation? My son only started calling her mom after his dad and step -mom reconciled from a 4 week split a couple years ago. Or should I just settle down? Step-mom emails school, calls school, comes to IEP meetings and I don't feel she has a right to - she has nothing to do with our custody agreement - no appointed legal guardianship...What do I do?


Asked on 7/14/10, 10:27 am

1 Answer from Attorneys
Rhonda Ellifritz Law Offices of Rhonda Ellifritz

This question may be best answered by a psychologist rather than an attorney. There isn't much, in practical terms, to do about this legally. She is obviously not the legal mother, and you are not saying that they are trying to change custody. If so, I would document this. As a mom myself, I get that You don't like someone else taking credit for carrying and giving birth to your child. On the other hand, it sounds like she has a good relationship with him and it would be much harder to cope with someone being with him 50% of the time and being mean or competing with him for dad's attention. You may try coparent counseling if your ex is willing, or go yourself to someone specializing in divorce issues and see what an expert says about how to handle it. I think each person has to find their own way to deal with these things, but be sure you are not the only one struggling with this issue.

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Answered on 7/14/10, 2:05 pm


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