Legal Question in Family Law in California

First of all, you have to terminate his parental rights. That isn't as easy as just requesting it and the judge grants it, especially if dad is wanting visitation now. You have to have either his permission, or the Court's. Even where there is domestic violence issues, the courts try to rehabilitate the relationship and are reluctant to terminate parental rights. There is no way that I can see that you can handle this on your own without an attorney.

What you do depends on whether the dad said he wants visitation just because it would reduce his support obligtions, or because he really wants to be in your son's life now. If he genuinely wants to be a part of his son's life, the courts will give him pretty much every possible chance to rehabilitate his relationship with his son, and you can realistically forget a step-parent adoption unless the ex is totally unfit to even be a visiting parent. If dad is happy to just crawl back into the woodwork, as long as it gets him out of legal obligations to the child, then it is easy to do a step-parent adoption. Dad has to sign a release of his parental rights as part of the adoption paperwork is all he has to do. Nolo Press has a good do it yourself book. The family law facilitator in your county Family Court can also help with an uncontested step parent adoption.