Legal Question in Family Law in California
I believe this incident would be considered as domestic violence. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is in the Navy, for about 3 months. He is 5'8" and extremely built, whereas I am 4'6" and very petite.
On the night of April 27, 2010, I was home when I had been informed by my boyfriend's best friend that my boyfriend had his ex-girlfriend over at his apartment and that he was basically cheating on me. His best friend knew this because he was at my boyfriend's apartment witnessing him cheating on me. Then I called and texted my boyfriend numerous times as I drove over to his apartment. He never answered or responded. I wanted to catch him in the act.
When I arrived to my boyfriend's apartment, I called again while knocking on the door. Everytime that I come over to his apartment, I always knock and then open the door to let myself in because my boyfriend often doesn't lock the door. He usually permits me to just walk in, so that night I walked in after knocking because the door was unlocked. As I walked in I said, "hello?" My boyfriend quickly came and walked me out of the apartment with his hand on my back sort of pushing/guiding me out to the hallway.
My boyfriend asked, "what are you doing here? I thought you were busy doing homework.." Then I said to him that I wanted to surprise him by coming over because I hadn't seen him all day. He told me that he was tired, and I interrupted him by asking, "why did you take me out here?" He responded,"there are people in there." I asked,"what people? Can you just let me in? Because I came all the way over here to see you.." as I walked toward the door to the apartment. He didn't respond to my question, and grabbed me as I was walking and threw me across the hallway where I ended up on the floor. I yelled at him,"what the fuck is wrong with you?!" Without helping me up or saying anything, he started to walk to the door of the apartment. I got up and followed him walking to the door as well. Then he turned around and grabbed me, lifting my entire body up and again, threw me across the hallway. That time, my body hit the wall and skid across the floor.
My boyfriend didn't help me up and then went inside his apartment shutting the door and locking it behind him. I got up, and rang the door bell numerous times. In the middle of ringing the doorbell, I heard him hit the door, but I kept ringing the doorbell. I fininally stopped when his roommate cracked the door open while telling me,"if you don't stop and go away, we're going to have to call the police." Then I asked the roommate if I could have my blanket that I previously left in the apartment. My boyfriend handed my blanket to the roommate and the roommate gave me my blanket. I left the premises immediately after that.
I got into my car, and while parked on the street, I sent my boyfriend a text message telling him that our relationship is over and that I knew that he would'nt let me in because he was hiding a girl in the apartment. He texted back by admitting that he had his ex-girlfriend over and explained a justification of why she was over there. I texted back telling him that he didn't have to throw me across the hallway and that he could've just spoke with me. He responded by texting me that it was my fault because I was "trying to enter his home" and that he didn't throw me, he "swung" me across his body. He also explained that he forgot how "small" I am and how "strong" he is, and that it was unintentional. He blamed me for scratches on his arm and chest because of me, but I didn't attack him. I am thinking that I may have scratched him when I was trying to hold on to him to prevent myself from flying when he threw me in the hallway. Then I told him that I have bruises on my arm and back. He told me that the bruises weren't from him, but from the wall.
When I got home, I took off my clothes and looked at the bruises on my body in the mirror. I identified 4 areas of my body where he had left marks. I began taking photos with my digital camera. There were scratch marks on my right clavical, bruises on my right elbow, scratches and brusies on the backside of my left ribcage, and a bruise and rugburn on my upper left buttcheek. Used the same digital camera to take pictures that night and everyday afterward so far.
I want to press charges on my now, ex-boyfriend. However, I live at home with my parents and I DO NOT want them to know what had happened. How can I press charges on my ex-boyfriend in confidentiality so that my family does not find out. The only people who knows what had happened that night is my ex-boyfriend's best friend, the one who informed me of him cheating, my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, and my ex-boyfriend's roommate, but none of them actually saw/witnessed what happened. So there are no real witnesses of the incident.
How can I press charges without my family knowing and without the help of witnesses? Do I even have a good chance of being able to press charges? I feel that he might countercharge me by saying that I trespassed. From what I had explained, would he be able to press charges on me? Please keep in mind that his is in the Navy.
2 Answers from Attorneys
You just couldn't leave it alone. I read this story and I thought, she knew it was trouble and yet she just kept pushing. If I were the judge, I would throw both of you in jail for few days until you got your minds right. Now you want to press charges. For what? To get even?
And then after you claim he throws you, you come back and repeatedly ring his doorbell and do not leave until they threaten to call the police? Even now you cannot leave it alone.
My advice is to walk away. He could have charges pressed against you just as easily as you could have them pressed against you.
I disagree that he has any real chance of pressing charges against you, but your case is pretty weak too and without any witness on your side would be hard to prove. The advice to walk away is sound. If you do that and he then tries to contact you, however, you have a very good case for a mutual restraining order, since you both clearly need to be kept away from each other.
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