Legal Question in Family Law in California
My situation is a couple of months ago I slept with this girl and got her pregnant. We both then decided that an abortion was the best way to go since we both agreed that we arent fit to have a child. She went by the pill method to have the abortion. I payed for it with my money but I wasnt with her through the process cause she wanted to do it herself and I trusted her on that. After going through the method she told me not to worry anymore because the abortion worked. So I thought that was that. Then a couple of days ago she told me that she didnt go through with it and instead kept the baby. Which was a total shock to me. I mean she ruined my trust by telling me she took care of it when she didnt. Now I'm trying to convince her to give up the baby for adoption because me and her arent together and arent financially stable to have a baby. I told her adoption is the best way to go because a family that is financially stable can give our baby a better life than we can. And I do believe she wants to give the baby for adoption as well because it will be a better life for our baby. But she is just scared to do this because she saying the baby is hers which is totally true. I dont know how I can convince her that giving our baby to a couple that can raise the baby the right way. And I know I cant make her give up the baby for adoption. But I mean my reasons for adoption isnt bad right? I mean we can do an open adoption so that she will be able to see our baby while she grows up. I just dont think we are financially able to raise the baby right. I just want whats best for the baby even though my friend doesnt think I'm thinking of the baby. I do believe though that she will decide to give the baby up for adoption. She's just really scared. But if she decides to keep the baby, do I have to live in the same state as her or can I move elsewhere which I've been planning on doing for almost 2 years now? And it also doesnt mean me and her have to be together right? Even if she has feelings for me and I dont feel the same way, we still dont have to be together? I really only see her as a friend. Plus I know if she keeps her I will need to pay for child support. What if I cant though? I dont have enough money to pay for my rent and other bills. How can I pay for child support when I can't even take care of myself. She expects me to have all the money when she needs it. But I dont have that much. What do I do then? I would really appreciate all the answer I get from my questions. It will really help me and my friend alot. Thanks!
2 Answers from Attorneys
Many of your questions are not really legal ones. Yes you do not have to live with her [probably better that you do not], you can move out of state, the amount of child support is based upon your income, you have no say as to whether she puts the child up for adoption or not. For giving in to the desire of pleasure without taking precautions [birth control] you will have to pay in many ways for the rest of your life; it is like getting into a drag race with another vehicle and you go off the road and injure yourself so that you can never walk again. But remember you have also changed her life for the worse, harmed both sets of adult parents, and harmed the baby. All you can do is try to soften the blow on everyone. You have to grow up and take into account the needs of others. Do not put pressure on the mother as you have already hurt her for life and should not force her to do something that she does not want to do.
I agree with Mr. Shers, mostly. He is completely wrong, however, that you have no say as to whether or not she puts the child up for adoption. In your case it doesn't really matter, because all you can do is stop an adoption; you can't make her do it. But for the sake of people who read these answers, they should know that if the mother does not want the child, the father can still take custody. She cannot put the child up for adoption over his objection without a finding that he is legally unfit to be a parent.
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