Legal Question in Family Law in California
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
Hello,
I am at the end of my rope.
My ex-husand and I share a son. Two years ago we went from 50/50 physical custody to 70/30, with him as the custiodial parent. At the time, I was caring for my terminally ill mother.
We were only married a short while, and in that time, he was emotionally and mentally abusive. Six years later, he continues to be. We simply do not get along and the legal matters arose when I came out as gay.
My son -and I have witnesses- said that daddy told him mommy was gross b/c she kisses girls. He has smeared my name to every daycare and school my son has attended. I'm afraid he is trying to alienate me from my son. Once I moved in with my partner, things got worse. He makes it about our son, but his frustration is coming from him not getting his way.
With out going in to too much detail, I've simply had my fill of him belitting me, insulting me and continues the intimidation and dominance games. (When he tried to with hold my son from me, I told him I would involve law enforcement, and he responded with- I am the police!! He takes himself way too seriously) I've been going along to get along just to get him to shut up and to not rock the boat so there can be some peace in the situation. Call me a wimp, but it creates a lot of un-due stress and anxiety.
His father is convinced that I am supposed to drop every thing at a moments notice to take my son during his time due to his demading job. When I am unavailable to take my son (I'm working, out of town or was given super short notice), the text messages start about how I'm putting his career in danger, etc, I'm a crappy mother, blah blah. He guilts me in to believing it's about our son, when it's really about being his on-call babysitter. My son was with me the majority of the year last year b/c his father was working or out of town training for extended amounts of time. However, he is unwilling to re-instate the 50/50 time share.
To get back to the point, I'd like to know what my options are about how he treats me. I fell victim to it b/c it was crappy for so long that I thought, why fight it. But after reflecting on my son's situation, I realize my lack of action on taking control of the situation has affected my son and I'm finally taking a stand for myself. I filed paperwork with family court, and once he was served I got about 5 e-mails from him, all of which fell in to suit with his history of abuse. I have asked him multiple times to keep his personal opinions to himself, which is only answered with more of his BS.
I'm no push over, I guess part of me is hopeful that this situation will get better and we are able to find a solution. I've come to realize his abuse has held me back from a lot, especially creating the best scenario for my son.
I'm just so beyond exhuasted with this. I'm handling the other stuff, but what can I do about his BS?
2 Answers from Attorneys
You need to document the long history of abusive emails and texts for the court and for Family Court Services. (Note: Any documents you plan to present to the FCS mediator must be served on him several days before the mediation.) When they see the documents they are more likely to accept your version of what occurs with no witnesses. You are always better off with an attorney and I would strongly suggest that you retain an experienced family law attorney. Good Luck, Pat McCrary
You may be able to obtain assistance from the LGBT community. I would call places such as National Gay and Lesbian Task Force,Lesbian Mothers National Defense Fund, etc... to get further information about what assistance is available.
Whatever is on paper is legally controlling at the moment as far as the police are concerned, but if you show that the actual shared time has been changed for quite some time, the courts are likely to go with that. You could simply tell him that until he agrees to a change in writing, it is up to him to figure out child care during his time.
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