Legal Question in Landlord & Tenant Law in California

I am sorry about your wife, but the legal answer to your question is that the security deposit is intended to be a secuity against damage to the unit or failure to pay the fullrent. If you withhold the rent, the landlord has the right to serve you with a 3 day notice as you have not paid the rent. Many tenants do that and stretch out their staying there for a month or three because of the slowness of the eviction process and judge's reluctance to evict people.