Legal Question in Wills and Trusts in California

I'm very sorry that you are going through this grief and anger. The spouse is the one to make the decision under the law. The problem, as you know, is how to enforce it. Probably the best way is to have both parties agree to an arbitrator -- it could be a trusted and respected community member or a friend with a background in psychology or family counseling, as this likely is a great emotional issue.

Legally, California Health and Safety Code section 7100 first gives the power of disposition of the remains to one who holds a power of attorney for health care with authority for disposition of the remains. Then, the power is vested in the following order: 1) to the competent surviving spouse; 2) the majority of the competent adult children; 3) the surviving compent parent or parents; 4) the surviving competent sibling or siblings. If it comes down to it, a lawyer could go to court to enforce your rights with regard to your husband's remains.