Legal Question in Family Law in Canada

Re: Problem Grandparent

You do not say what the conflict is about, but we presume that it does not involve the children directly. You are confusing the issues between you, your husband and mother-in-law on one hand and matters between the children and your mother- in-law on the other hand. You have a duty to separate the issues, and to foster a relationship between your mother-in-law and the children, regardless of the conflict between you as adults, unless the children are likely to be directly harmed - by this is meant not just your perception of harm because of the conflict between the adults, but the possibility of actual harm when you are not present. You are correct in saying that it is not appropriate for your children to be exposed to this level of conflict, but you as adults have a duty to not express conflict in the childrens' presence - in other words don't involve them in your fight with your mother-in-law. Speak of her respectfully to them, regardless of how difficult this is.

You ask if a Court would really act against your judgment as to what is in the best interest of your children, and the answer is it most certainly would if your judgment is based on your difficulty with your mother-in-law and not on what is objectively in the childrens' best interest. From all you have said it appears that you are not exercising appropriate judgment as to what is their best interest.

We urge you, your husband and mother-in-law to attend joint family counselling so as to come to an understanding as to what the issues really are (in actuality they are rarely what the people involved state them to be)and we urge you to contact a qualified Family Law Mediator who will be able to assist you in coming to a position that all can live with. Even if you do all that is possible to keep the conflict away from the children, they will inevitably sense it, and your duty, however much you don't want to, is to constructively work on repairing the relationship. A mediator will know how to invite your mother-in-law to mediation sessions and so will a counsellor. We recommend that you contact the British Columbia Association of Registered Clinical Counsellors for a referral or if you are in Victoria, our office can recommend one; similarly we can arrange mediation.