Legal Question in Family Law in Connecticut

I am not sure if you can help me but here is my question/comment: I found out two weeks ago that my wife had been on lunch dates, kissed and eventually cheated on me. She lied to me over the summer about their activities together and betrayed my trust. I have been trying to get her to go to spiritual counseling, couples counseling and she may be open to it but I am not sure. I would say right now I am 70% sure she will ask for a divorce because now she says she doesn't think she can be married to me, she loves me and I strongly believe she still has feelings with this other guy. I have always been faithful and my heart is breaking. She told me that she had these feelings for almost a year and she saw me in a different light when I had an emotional breakdown in early 2011. I had a learning disability growing up and some other things that happened to me in my youth that I never told anyone about but finally broke down and told her and a therapist and not only did I get much better, it almost seemed like a distant memory.

Now she is saying that might have been the trigger point for her change of feelings and she never talked to me about any of the issues that were going through her head and let herself drift off into other friends and this guy. So if a divorce happens, my question(s) are the following: 1) Our mortgage is in both of our names but she claims she wants to keep the house because she likes it and so do I. However, she works for a hedge fund and I work for a children's advocacy non-profit. So, I would not be able to live in this expensive area of CT by myself. I have heard that she would either have to buy my portion of the mortgage out or sell the house? Also, she told me if we get divorced we can just split the money we have invested in the house already? Is that correct? 2) Are all assets included in a split, besides cash and savings, things like 401k, pensions, retirements, etc.? 3) I think CT is an equitable distribution state? 4) She has made more money and was always insistent on paying the bills and I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, wash dishes, etc. Will that count for anything in the proceeding?

Thank you so much.


Asked on 11/22/12, 2:12 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys
Linda Subbloie Linda A. Subbloie, Esq.

Although your questions require much more in depth answers than I can give you here, basically we start with a 50/50 split on everything------house, retirement plans, bank accounts, etc.

When dividing the "house" we look to what the equity in the house is. This means the value of the house after payment of all debt associated with it: the mortgage and any other liens. So, if the fair market value of the house (what you can sell it for today realistically) is $300,000.00 and you owe $200,000.00 on the mortgage (and there are no other liens) then you would normally split 50/50 the difference after EXPENSES to sell. You would deduct the real estate agent commission, conveyance taxes, closing costs and then whatever is left you would split.

In the alternative, If she rather stay in the house, then she has to refinance the existing mortgage, pay it off and buy you out, giving you your 50% share in cash.

CT like most states is a NO FAULT state. We generally don't look at the fault of either party in the break down of the marriage unless the other party can prove that their spouse CONTRIBUTED SUBSTANTIALLY to the break down of the marriage. This is usually very difficult to prove, because in most instances, people cheat after the marriage has already realistically broken down. Nevertheless, if you can prove that the marriage was fine and she just went out and cheated on you, and that cheating was the break down because she fell in love with someone else, then you may be able to convince a court to skew the 50/50 normal distribution of marital assets your way, for instance a 60/40 split, or 55/45 split and so on.

The penalty for fault in the marriage is generally small. ( You won't get it all)

As for alimony, if she always made substantially more than you, you may have an alimony claim. Yes, keeping the house and performing house hold duties is part of the mix.

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Answered on 11/25/12, 4:33 pm


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