Legal Question in Family Law in Hawaii

Re: paternity though child is probably not mine?

Your state law might be different from mine, so at least find a family law attorney who will explain the law in your state.

There are several ways to handle this matter, and they have varying degrees of permanence and reliability. By that I mean you will be able to rely on the outcome with more or less confidence, depending on the method you choose.

Head in the sand -- The least reliable is to do nothing. Go along assuming you are not the bio dad and assuming the bio dad will continue to be uninterested. As long as you and your girlfriend are getting along, you will continue to share in the baby's life. Should you and she disagree and she decides to cut you out, you will have to go to court and prove that it is in the baby's best interest to continue having contact with you.

By agreement -- More reliable is that you and she acknowledge that you and the child have a parent-child relationship that is in the child's best interest, and that you provide financial, emotional, and physical support for the child. You and mom draft a parenting plan that outlines how you will share parenting of the child, you file it with the district court. Now you have a court-ordered parenting agreement that protects both parents' rights and obligates both parents to do certain things (e.g., financial support). You support the child financially, emotionally, psychologically, and in every other way that an involved father would do (�financially� can include sharing prenatal and hospital expenses, providing health insurance or helping pay the premiums, etc.). You have protection if anyone attempts to interfere with your court-ordered rights, and girlfriend has protection if you attempt to avoid your obligations. Parents can (and often do) modify the plan as the child's needs change or as the parents' situation changes. Bio dad could, at some point, come forward and say he thinks the child is his and wants a paternity test. His success in gaining parenting rights balances against how long it's been since he had anything to do with the child --too many variables to go into here.

Termination of parental rights -- (1) Voluntary -- Biological father can officially relinquish his parental rights OR (2) By court order -- You have to show that the biological father should have his rights terminated.

Adoption -- Bio dad relinquishes his parental rights or the person petitioning for adoption asks the court to terminate bio dad's rights and allow petitioner to adopt.

There. That should keep you busy. As I said at the beginning, you should consult with a family law attorney. Anything you do will impact the child, and any mistakes you make will impact the child, and infants are very sensitive to mistakes in this area. Take the time and spend the money to have it done properly. Good luck.