Legal Question in Family Law in Illinois

my current ex bf was told the same day i found out i was pregnant thathe was most possibly the childs father. he wanted an abortion i said no, he told me he wanted nothing to do with the baby or me, so i left. i met my husband when i was 3mths along. when i was almost 6mths along we wanted to get married and did in oct 2007. i did contact my ex a couple times before the birth to see if he'd changed his mind since my husband and i wanted my husband on the birth record if my ex wanted nothing to do with my son. so we proceded to get advice from a few probono lawyers(i dont remember who) and my dr, and all of them said we could legally have my husband on the birthrecord as his father. he has supported my son financially and in every way for the last 3yrs since his birth and during pregnancy. my ex knew my due date and my new address to which i have been at since i last had contact with him. he never came looking for us. and i never went for child support bc i was more concerned with my son getting a loving fathers care than a childsupport father who didnt want us. and now after 3yrs of life and 9mths of pregnancy my ex comes over one day and says he wants in my sons life and starts taking credit for everything we taught my son. even my sons potty training. the only thing my ex has done in the last 4 yrs for my son was he brought him an outfit the first time he met my son when he was asking me to be in his life. coincidentally he also wrote me the week before saying my son isnt his and he didnt mean to be a jerk but its the truth then shows up a week later saying he wants in HIS SONS life! he said he doesnt want court procedings but i am worried he may still go to court. even though he doesnt want the finnancial end of the relationship(he clearly stated to me on the 3rd visit he stopped by on unannounced). and i agree i dont want court either, my husband is my sons father and we dont want that taken away from my son or us. my question is that after almost 3-4yrs of no contact and no effort on his part in regards to my son what can he do? and if he went to court, would he have a good shot at winning? and what can we legally do to minimize the effects of all this on our son. i dont want him finding out this way at this age that his "sperm donor" is a deadbeat looking to take over what we've done for our son after all the hard baby years are over! we have a bond with my son! my husband and my son are bonded, my son knows no other father, i dont want a custody type battle where my son is the tug of war rope... i am adopted and know the heartache that goes into tug of war matches with parents so i have been trying to sheild my son from the truth till he is ready to understand but he's not ready at 3yr old. Also, my ex is already talking of my son changing his last name to his! my son has my married name, and i would hope it can stay that way.... please can someone or anyone help me find out what i can and can't do or can reasonably expect to happen in the many possible circumstances?

i have researched family law and paternity rights and its all still confusing... i need help please.

sincerly,

a MOTHER WHO LOVES HER CHILD


Asked on 2/07/11, 2:27 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys

I suggest very strongly that you hire local counsel. You have a variety of options that are available and local counsel will have the most knowledge of what is likely to happen based on his or her experience and knowledge of how the judge(s) in your county view these types of situations. Good luck.

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Answered on 2/11/11, 4:01 am


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