Legal Question in Family Law in Iowa

Re: Affects of dating during a custody battle

[This response is specific only to my jurisdiction. Your courts might be different.]

In my jurisdiction, generally divorcing spouses can date. What's important is how your social life impacts your ability to parent. This is what I tell people:

Don't do anything you wouldn't mind seeing on the front page of the newspaper or hearing in church, and don't do anything that puts your children in second place.

Don't let your dates sleep over under any circumstances. In fact, don't even bring your dates home when the kids are with you, especially if your kids are younger. This is a confusing time for everybody, especially the children, and seeing different men/women in the house can confuse younger children. Teenagers have an easier time accepting the fact that mom/dad is dating but toddlers can get confused.

Don't let your social life intrude on your responsibilities as a parent. Don't miss scheduled time with your kids because you're going out with somebody instead. Don't spend your time with the kids recuperating from last night's party. Your children come first and deserve the first and best -- your energy, your attention, your financial resources. I hope it goes without saying that your children will come first after the divorce, too, not just while you're behaving yourself to make a good impression on the court.

Don't let your social life intrude on your responsibilities as an employee -- if you miss work because of last night's party, it's reasonable to assume you're also not able to fulfill your responsibilities as a parent.

That said, your attorney knows the climate better than I do and knows your particular judge's attitude toward dating. You're certainly allowed to ask your attorney why s/he changed his/her mind about dating.