Legal Question in Family Law in Maine

Re: Divorce during pregnancy

I do not know your state's family law statutes regarding parenting, and parenting is a very important matter, so consult an attorney on this.

In my jurisdiction, the whole dissolution procedure would not change just because the child is not born yet. Yes, work out the parenting responsibilities now if you can. (The sooner you can establish a parent-child bond, the better.) My court would approach parenting issues as if the child were newborn.

Now, this is a very delicate issue. The judges in my jurisdiction use the �child's best interest� standard. Wise parents learn what the child's best interest is at each stage of the child's development. I usually recommend that they take parenting classes. Classes help in two ways: (1) the parents will know what those stages are and what they can do to meet their child's needs, and (2) they're better prepared to put their child's interests first instead of their own.

Ideally, for an infant, it usually works out that the nonresidential parent has short but frequent periods of parenting -- a couple of hours at a time, as often as the parents are willing to do it. Young children don't usually do well with 50-50 custodial arrangements, so count on Mom being an infant's primary or residential parent and Dad being the nonresidential parent for several years. Dad might do the evening bath and bed ritual every evening, be the primary alternative care provider instead of Mom using day care or baby sitter, and spend as much other time as possible with the infant.

In the beginning, that kind of arrangement often means Dad spends time in Mom's house or at least requires Mom and Dad to be highly cooperative in scheduling time and making the baby available. That obviously requires the parents to be on good terms. I said this is delicate, didn't I? Imagine how willing Mom will be to let Dad into her house for several hours each evening if they've bitterly litigated their parenting and property issues. That's why I urge parents to try mediation. You want a mediator trained and experienced in divorce and custody issues. This is important because the mediator should know the basics of child development so s/he can help parents craft an agreement that meets the child's best interest now and one that �self-modifies� -- one that builds into the plan milestones based on the child's developmental stages that trigger a change in the parenting plan. You might get good recommendations from your local and state bar associations, a professional mediation organization or association, friends who have mediated issues.