Legal Question in Family Law in Maryland
Is this Mental Cruelty?
Is this Mental Cruelty?
Yesterday my wife says that she has decided to leave me, she wants a divorce in October. The reason for the October date is that our son is getting married in October and she does not want any disruption to the wedding. This is fine with me. In fact I have thought about a divorce after both my son and daughter are married. Here is another part. We are living together in our house. She says she is leaving me in October. She sleeps on the couch. We have stopped speaking almost entirely.
So, here is a husband that has been told by his wife that she is leaving him in October. And I am expected to live like this until October, with essentially no relationship with the knowledge that there is a divorce coming? In addition, which I think makes matters much worse for me, is that I am still being treated for severe clinical depression. My wife knows all of this, of course.
If this is a form of mental abuse I would prefer to talk to my son and daughter first to let them know what is going to happen and get this over with. In addition she is very often disrespectful and verbally abusive to me. I can provide a ton of witnesses on this point.
2 Answers from Attorneys
Re: Is this Mental Cruelty?
From your question, I'm assuming you are using the term "mental cruelty" because you have been told or have read that it's a potential ground for divorce. Actually, the term used in the MD divorce law is "cruelty of treatment".
However, the fact that your wife has expressed a desire for a divorce, and that she has been verbally hostile and is now noncommunicative, does not constitute the sort of cruelty that the statute contemplates. You have obviously been estranged from your wife for some time, and are only still living together because of the family situation. You have the option of taking steps to separate and trying to initiate a discussion over a separation agreement. You will have to weigh whether it's better to try and do this now for your own mental well being, with the possible effect on your son's wedding, or better to wait out the 7 or so months until the wedding is over. Perhaps your therapist can aid you in this decision.
Re: Is this Mental Cruelty?
Mental cruelty may indeed be present in a general sense; however, additional aspects apply legally.
Adverse treatment generally of a physical or grossly abusive nature is what this fault based
ground requires. This is referred to as excessive cruelty. Typically a pattern of violence applies but a single act can be sufficient. This is a fault based ground.
Cruelty encompasses mental as well as physical abuse. Verbal abuse, controlling behavior,
isolation, violence and threats of violence, or misconduct that is intended to impair health or permanently destroy
the mental welfare of the other spouse, will justify a divorce on grounds of cruelty. This is referred to as cruelty of treatment and requires there be a threat or actual bodily harm.
Your situation is not unique. I suggest you work with an attorney to pursue a separation agreement. In most cases this is more beneficial than pursuing a limited divorce.
It seems to me that your wife may turn around and then sue you for divorce on the basis of desertion (more properly she leaves, claims constructive desertion and sues you because you forced her out). This may give her a tactical advantage. Don't give her the upper hand.
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