Legal Question in Family Law in Massachusetts

Re: Interesting Visitations

Your question is highly reminiscent of a long series of questions similar questions from a single user. If that is not the case, I apologize for tone.

Unfortunately, it is difficult to apologize for the message. There are a number of ways to state it, but they tend to come down to the same answer. You are divorced or not together because your differences in a lot of areas put you there. That makes for the starting point of some friction in post-separation discussions. He is male, if I recall, and therefore going to treat visitation as a male kind of territory. You are female and see your kids' happiness as a different kind of territory. That's a perspective, not a criticism of either of you. It's useful, though, to see it this way.

He and girlfriend will consider your suggestions on activities during visitation to be interfering and controlling, unless they are asking for your input. They will see it as entering his (THEIR) territory. The court would tend to agree to an extent. Visitation is sink or swim in many ways.

The ages of the kids -- 17 and 13, if I recall -- also makes this a difficult time. The 17-year-old is almost an adult. the younger child is going to get "growing pains" and developer his or her own interests. Non-custodial parent is going to have to adapt to this.

As to sports -- if the kids are involved, and he attends, it would be good. Many dads are themselves sports oriented. However, if he's not oriented that way, he will tend to try to bring his activities and interests into his time. Again, it's difficult to answer without specifics.

Finally, the kids may just have to learn how to make diplomatic suggestions. Diplomacy requires not dis-inviting the girlfriend, but rather suggesting activities to Dad of interest to them, and even understanding that girlfriend will be involved.

You both love your kids. The best anyone can do is suggest that you try to diplomatically present some suggestions. When he snarls and bites your head off, though, you may want to recall how you felt when you thought I was snarling and biting your head off without any understanding for the reasons for my brevity and directness. His reasons will be mostly territorial, and possibly not entirely fair, but they are what they are.

Re: Interesting Visitations

While I might not have said it the same way as Attorney Lee, the fact remains barring an act of abuse or actions which place the child in a risky or unhealthy environment, you cannot control the way your ex-husband interacts with his children.

There is no redress in court available to you or your children to force a change in your ex's behavior.

You could ask a third party such as a grandparent, who may have influence on your ex to speak to him or for the children to speak to the grandparent or similar person who has a relationship with your ex to try and get him to change his behavior.

Other than that your children and their father will be estranged and other than compelling contribution for college there is not much you can do.

Any one can become a father, it takes a man to be one whether they are still married or not.

Good Luck.