Legal Question in Family Law in Massachusetts

Technically, you cannot "establish" child support or visitation "out of court." Although you intend the money you give your ex for child support, since it is not ordered by the court, she cannot enforce the order in court if you stop paying. Also, since it is not court-ordered child support, it is not considered child support in the eyes of the IRS. Similarly, your arrangement for visitation is not enforceable in court. So if you fail to pay, your ex cannot file a contempt action against you; and, if she refuses to let you visit your child, you cannot file a contempt action against her. The bottom line is that the court process is a way to enforce obligations and protect the rights of the parties. If everything is fine, then it may not be necessary, but if either of you is not completely satisfied, then the court system can help.

I agree with everything attorney Martucci said. I would reiterate that a court order can establish some mechanism for regulating and establishing the expectations of both parties. As she said, without a court order there is no way for you to enforce these payments, there is no way for you to ensure visitation, and there is no way for you to prevent the other party from leaving the state with your child. Best of luck!