Legal Question in Family Law in Missouri

I am a divorced mom of two children. My ex-husband and I were together from 2000, married in 2005, and divorced in 2014. My ex has a very close friend that I'll call "Jim." Jim seems extremely nice- gives gifts, devotes his time to anybody, but he has one habit that makes me uncomfortable. He befriends male children (ranging in age from seven or eight up to high school.) He conducts himself on a peer-to-peer level with these children. Examples include directly identifying himself as "friends" with these children, frequently hanging out with them, having sleepovers with just a child or two, roughhousing, giving extremely large gifts (buying out a movie theater, vacations, game consoles), laughing at innuendos (hotdogs, bananas), throwing birthday parties where he is the only adult. This has been something my ex and I talked about since we've been dating as kind of strange. However, wives and girlfriends were only rarely invited to any of the events. (Jim wanted "guy time.") So while I know these things occurred, I don't know details- children's last names, specific dates, etc.

I now have a child who fits the type that Jim targets as a friend. Last summer Jim gave him an Xbox for his birthday. In addition, I witnessed Jim crouching down, hugging my son between his legs and telling him, "I'll always be here for you" after my son's Taekwondo class...even though my son wasn't upset about anything right then.

After researching Jim's behavior a bit I have come to realize that the things he does are examples of child grooming. There have never been any charges against Jim (that I know of), although his behavior has been a topic of conversation in the 300- person town in which Jim resides. My personal encounters include: I was told a story by a child (maybe twelve) when we all went to the movies about how he had stayed at Jim's house the night before and when he got up to leave Jim didn't want to have to go yet so he wouldn't give him his pants. I was concerned and told my ex, but nothing ever came of it. (Now, I also don't know if the child was fully clothed and these were the clothes he was going to change into for the day. I was a childless college kid at the time and didn't really delve deeply into it.) I also witnessed sexual innuendos and many, many times when Jim would tell my ex, "So-and-so and I are hanging out tonight." My ex told me a story where Jim and a boy had visited him and my ex's mom during the day, and the amount and type of roughhousing was making them uncomfortable, which put him in a bad mood. But, again, that was around eight years ago and mentioned in passing where nothing more came of it. I have always taken it for granted that at some point my ex and I would address this issue and would be on the same page concerning Jim and our children.

After discovering that these are classic signs of child grooming, I decided that I do not want Jim to have any contact with my children at all. I do not know for certain that Jim has bad intentions or has done anything, but I feel it is better to err on the side of caution because, despite his intentions, the behavior is still inappropriate and would be confusing to our son. (If he believes it is okay to befriend an adult on a peer level, I feel it opens him up to other predators.)

I recently spoke with my ex in person regarding Jim's behavior. My ex stated that he agrees that Jim has "made some poor choices" regarding his behavior with the children, but that Jim is a "nice guy" who gives large gifts to many people, including adults and who has always helped anybody who needs it. (Including us when we were married) He is correct. Jim has done these things, and I don't wish to hurt Jim. However, I feel that this does not make his behavior concerning the children "okay."

When I ask my ex, point blank, if he is trying to tell me that none of Jim's behavior has ever made him uncomfortable my ex skirts around the question or states that "any answer he gives can be misconstrued." In addition, he blew my mind by denying how frequently Jim was around these boys through the years and even denying that some stories happened. He originally agreed that we would sit down and talk with Jim about to what extent he can interact with our son (limiting presents, only being around him when one of us is present). I do not feel that this is good enough because I believe Jim could still form a bond with our son that could be utilized when our son is a teenager. When I let it slip that I plan on asking Jim at this meeting to simply not have contact with our son, my ex has indicated that he is no longer even willing to meet with Jim and myself. (Please note: I planned on requesting this of Jim in a calm manner, trying to be sensitive to Jim's feelings. Again, I don't wish to hurt Jim- just ensure my son's safety.)

Jim has only been around my son three or four times in the past year, none of which I was present for, but I want to prevent a problem. I do not want to wait until it is too late and an attachment has been formed (or worse) before I take action. I want to know if there is any legal action I can take to prevent this person from being around my child. (Note: I don't care if my ex interacts with Jim when my son is not present.) I looked into orders of protection, but I don't know that it fits since Jim is not actually stalking my child. My concern is based off of past history. Last night I sat down and thought of eight children who have been intimate friends of Jim's since I've known him. I don't want my son to be the next. It is financially challenging for me to make ends meet from month to month so pursuing this with a lawyer would be extremely difficult.

I live in Missouri.

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