Legal Question in Family Law in Missouri

We live St. Louis, MO. My daughter is 2 1/2. She has no father on her birth certificate. Although clearly the biological father and I some sort of a relationship, we were not serious. He was 28, a history of no stable employment, violent, serious alcoholism that sometimes included binges lasting days with delusional behavior, repeated attempts at recovery with no success, etc., and some criminal record. He knew of my pregnancy and her birth. He tried contacting me after her birth at which point I asked him to go away because I could not allow that kind of insanity into my daily life and the lives of my two children, and trust me, it was insanity. I know I should've thought of that before I slept with him, etc., etc., but in the end, my job is to protect my family the best I know how. After about 2 really nasty emails from him in the first week of her birth, he has never contacted me again.

Here is my question, my ex-husband and father of my other daughter, now 16, was a close friend of mine and he was at the birth of this youngest child along with my older daughter to help provide support for her in case anything went wrong since we knew ahead of time it may be a difficult birth. We did not plan it, but there was a reconciliation and we have been together ever since, and he has been the day in day out father to my 2 year old. We are not remarried, and I don't know that we plan on it, although we are committed to our relationship.

I worry about what might happen to my youngest daughter if anything were to ever happen to me. She worships my ex husband and he worships her, and I have seen through sixteen years of parenting with him, that while he may not be perfect, he is a good man who provides for his children and would never abandon them. I know he would love nothing more than to be legally recognized as my daughters father and he loves her just as much as his own biological child. How can I make him the father? Or, is there something else I can put in place to ensure he has a voice pertaining my child if anything were to ever happen to me? I doubt the biological father is listed on the putative father registry. I have heard through the grapevine that he is no healthier or more stable than he was, but I am afraid of contacting him regarding relinquishing custody. I know he has no desire to pay support nor could he be counted on to be a consistent presence in her life, but he has this ridiculous "macho" ego and wouldn't like some other man claiming what he considers his.

Any help, advice, etc.?

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