Legal Question in Family Law in Montana

Several questions come to mind:

How does Graves Disease affect her ability to visit with the boys?

When "she is on edge," is she aware of it?

What are her terms?

What are your terms?

How old are the boys?

Generally speaking, a wide and loving network is wonderful for children, and parents should encourage it. Of course, sometimes parents must manage loving relatives' quirks and shortcomings. This seems to be the case for you.

I suggest you pick a time when Grandma isn't on edge. Ask her to meet you someplace nice for lunch. Let her know that you want to have a friendly chat with her about your kids seeing Grandma. And I do mean friendly. Make sure you don't use language that will put Grandma on the defensive, such as, "I want to discuss your time with my children." Use softer language, such as, "The boys would like to see you. Can we talk about arranging that?"

If Grandma can't handle longer visits, frequent one-hour visits are fine. If the boys are young enough to enjoy 'young reader' programs at the library, let that be Grandma's gig.

If Grandma can't handle the boys herself without getting rattled, go with her but back out of the picture. Go to another part of the library to hunt up a particular book, or to the reading area with The NY Times, and sit in the reading area where everybody knows they can find you there.

Start small: small amounts of time, small responsibilities, small pressure to succeed. Allow Grandma to feel she's not under inspection and not under pressure to be the ideal grandma. Eventually, she might feel unthreatened enough to advise you when she's not quite up to a visit.