Legal Question in Family Law in Montana

Demand a favor? Not smart. Demand because you didn't plan ahead? One of the best ways to cause problems.

You say you have "set visitation." You spent your set parenting time not parenting. If you did not plan in advance to swap weekends, you probably do not have a right to be repaid and you absolutely do not have the right to demand the other parent give up his or her weekend. One of my favorite adages: Failure to plan on your part does not create an obligation on mine.

You do have a right to expect that each parent will do what the parenting plan says. That's what the plan is for -- to put on paper each parent's rights and responsibilities as a parent -- and it's written down so the parents always know what they agreed to do. The plan protects a parent's rights as a parent, but the plan is first and foremost to protect the child's best interest, not the parents' demands. The plan is to make the child's life easier, to protect the child's time with each parent, to make sure the child feels his/her life is stable, to avoid parent arguments about parenting time.

The plan probably talks about making up missed time. If it does not, the parents can amend the parenting plan to fill that gap, and file the amendment with the court. But use common sense: good manners always apply. When a person wants a favor, the person doesn't demand it, the person requests it. If the other person declines to grant your request, you don't have a right to question or demand.

What should happen goes something like this:

Parent1: I'm going to be out of town June 10 through12. That's my weekend with the kids. I know it's short notice, but would you switch weekends with me? The boss just told me I'm going to X. or It's a cool opportunity to fish a creek I've always wanted to fish and Bob invited me to go. [The reason doesn't matter.]

Parent2: Oh, gee, I made plans to be out of town because you would be taking care of the kids. I can't swap with you.

At this point, Parent1 has some options:

-- Would it be okay if they stayed with my parents? They're available this weekend.

or

-- Then I'll take them with me, just make a couple of adjustments. We'll make a camping trip out of it. I'll just need to pick up their camping gear. How about I stop by day after tomorrow around 5:30 so the kids and I can get their gear together?

OR

Parent2 could say: I have plans, but the sitter can watch them while I'm gone. She charges $X, and I'll be gone for about six hours. So if you'll pay for the sitter, that'll be fine, just drop by with the sitter's money on your way home from work today. The kids and I have plans for our regular weekend, so they'll be with me two weeks in a row.

The goal of shared parenting is not to count how many days each parent gets. The goal is to be good parents for your child. Shared parenting requires cooperation, that's working together, for the child's sake. Neither parent has a right to demand that the other parent give up scheduled time. Neither parent should expect to be 'repaid' for an unscheduled missed weekend. Keep in mind that "what goes around comes around." It's a safe bet that the other parent will have the same kind of unplanned thing occur later, and will request a favor of you.