Legal Question in Family Law in New Jersey
I am 23 years old, work part-time, a college graduate (summa cum laude), and live with my parents currently. I have my own room and a door that does not lock - it's not even a regular type of door, but one of those that slide and are composed of two wooden planks. I basically have no privacy. For quite some time now I feel that I have been a victim of psychological/emotional abuse (not to mention verbal because of my orientation) but I have no idea how to go about handling this. My mother lives by the motto that it is her house and her rules no matter how unhealthy, illogical, and irrational they are to the majority of Americans (my father remains silent on the issue).
For one, she claims she doesn't have to knock before entering my room - not even if I were changing (I've been mentally scarred before by her) and . It is her house, and she owns "my room" as well and can walk into it at any point in time to do whatever she wants - even lay on my bed to annoy me. So I have been living in constant fear - when I change, I change in the corner of my room hoping she doesn't see me. She very often will stand outside my room, peaking through the crack between the two wooden panels that are hinged, forming the door, trying to see what I am watching on TV, listening to on the radio, or to overhear my cellphone conversation. She merely believes in no privacy for me since I do not pay rent or anything - and says I must listen to all her rules and that I have no voice whatsoever.
She will also often walk into my room, almost frolicking through it as a way to annoy me on purpose, knowing that it really frustrates me, causing me to boil in anger and usually end up in tears after hitting my head on the wall or slamming my fist on the desk (clearly, anger issues are beginning to arise from her actions toward me). On a daily basis she will go through my desk and closets while I am at work, and when I return after work and go to the shower, she will go through my leather work messenger bag. She recently found a key to a locked filing cabinet in my room and went through it. She'll move things in my room to her liking, such as move a remote control from where I find it convenient to a spot where she likes it to be, or will do other things of that nature which annoy me mentally to an abnormally extreme level.
This all may appear like small things, but they occur on a daily basis and have been going on for years because I simply do not know what to do. I cannot force her to seek therapy, and I don't know if there are any legal actions I can take or even law enforcement ones. Constant spying, checking my bags, looking under my bed, every drawer, my underwear drawer, my nightstand, and coat pockets has made me paranoid over nothing, and I now sit in bed scared she'll randomyl walk in during a moment I do not want her to (aka I need my privacy). There is nothing I am hiding, so she won't find anything illegal. For example, I have "Alice in Wonderland: Through the Looking-Glass" at my nightstand and she is super suspicious as to why it is there and that only makes her more paranoid and wanting to check my entire room all over again. I just don't want someone looking through my wallet and other belongings daily.
The reason I am writing is because all of this causes me great anger, almost fury, which is unhealthy. I get very angry, very depressed over this, and when I ask my mother nicely or sometimes angrily to stop, or to not enter my room because I want some peace and quiet, she does not listen and only yells at me, or tries to on occasion pull of my sheets on the bed in which I am on my laptop. She threatens to take my laptop and have it professionally hacked by someone to see what I am doing on there. She began knocking on my door after I tearfully begged her to, but that has stopped because she went back to her old motto of "her house" and my having no rights in it.
She clearly has symptoms of bipolar disorder as well as paranoia which is unhealthy to the family living environment. And, it is unhealthy to me, because when she argues with me, I frequently think about suicide, which I should not be. She is merely suspicious of everything in my room from a new book I buy to a pair of socks I left next to my pair of slippers because I plan to wear them again tomorrow.
Do I have any legal rights to keep her from doing this all to me? Any privacy rights even though it is her house. This is more than just a mother-son argument because if I saw a therapist (which I cannot afford) I am quite positive he would be able to highlight how all of this affects me negatively. I know emotional/psychological abuse is difficult to prove, but I do not know what to do about this or who to reach out to. She needs to be told that her actions are unhealthy to my mental state and development as a young man.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
1 Answer from Attorneys
You insist on beng supported by your parents as you were entitled when you were a child. So, you are treated as a child. Also, you are in their space, which they earned. As a noncontributor you have no standing to claim your turf. If you want to have turf, you must act like an independent person. You must pay rent for the space which you occupy or move out of the house and support yourself.
This is not legal advice. It is just advice in living your life.
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