Legal Question in Family Law in New York

Alternative to alienation of affection

Recently found out that my husband had an affair with a co-worker. (I have emails galore between the two of them) My husband and I are trying to reconcile, but it is not looking good. In the mean time, when I first contacted his affair partner, she sent me very lengthy emails trying to prove to me that they were just friends etc. When I finally found emails to/from her that indicated that this relationship was indeed more than a friendship, I contacted her and forwarded the information to her husband. She obviously became upset, threatened me with a restraining order if I ever contacted her again, and said some very nasty things to me about my marriage etc. I know I should be directing my energy elsewhere, but I do not believe that she truly knows what damage she has done and how she contributed to the problems in my marriage. While she is not accountable to me, she knew that I was pregnant when she entered into this affair with my husband. Do I have any legal recourse against her? I know that NYS abolished alienation of affection but is there any sort of alternative to that? I realize this may sound petty & childish,& I have bigger things to worry about, but I feel that she really needs to deal with the consequences


Asked on 1/15/07, 2:35 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys

BILLIE GRAY Law Office of Billie Gray

Re: Alternative to alienation of affection

On these facts, there is nothing you can do, except to realize the following:

Your husband is not an innocent party - anything she did to you, he did more.

Almost 2/3 of all marriages end in divorce these days. The miracle seems to be the marriages that survive, sad to say.

It is not easy to do, but work on not thinking about her. Just as you say, you have so much more to think about. If you can't do it alone, find a therapist. Believe it or not, it really works.

Your marriage doesn't stand a chance if you keep thinking the way you are thinking. You are keeping the displaced rage and hurt alive - you're just focusing it on her, instead of your husband, where it really belongs, and where you are afraid to face how angry you really are at your husband..

As far as I can see, you do not have a legal issue here, except the possibility of divorce, which I hope never happens.

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Answered on 1/15/07, 7:16 pm


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