Legal Question in Family Law in New York
I am a mother of a seven and half year old girl and we live in NYS. I met my daughter's father in Alaska. I did not know at that time he was an alcoholic. When I found out I was pregnant I thought it was right to let him know, although I explained to him that I did not expect anything from him, and that I was moving back home to NYS. A few months later, he showed up on my doorstep in NY and told me he wanted to be a part of his child's life. Shortly after moving here, I discovered he was an alcoholic. He had be dishonorably discharged from the Navy (presumably because of his drinking). He could not hold down a job for more than a few weeks or months at a time. He swore to me countless times he would stop drinking, but even after my daughter was born he did not. There were a few occasions (when he was drunk) that he was physically abusive towards me. I felt it was unsafe to leave the baby alone with him, so when I worked, my parents would take care of the baby. Eventually I was able to convince him to move out when he was accepted into a culinary school. He failed out of the school and was asked to leave the campus due to his drinking. I often received disturbing and/or threatening emails, voice mails, letters, etc during this time. He eventually moved back to the west coast, bouncing from job to job, town to town. He would disappear for weeks or months at a time. He moved back the NY, because he claimed he wanted to be a father to his daughter, but he continued to drink. At this point I was awarded legal custody of my daughter and he was granted supervised visitations for two hours once a week. He would miss these visitations on a regular basis-- sometimes he would give lame excuses in advance, sometimes he simply wouldn't show. He was also legal obligated to pay child support, but that has been extremely sporadic. Total, he has given about $2000 for support over the last 7.5 years. He has claimed to hit rock bottom and then gone to rehab several times, and each time he completes a program he has gone back to drinking. Each rehab trip would be significant time without contact with his daughter. One time he was in rehab for over 6 months. Needless to say, this breaks my daughter's heart. Six months ago, he informed me he was flying back to the west coast to see his brother get married, and we've barely heard from him (he's made almost no attempt to contact my daughter). Today, I received an email from him stating that he is moving back to the east coast (MA) to go to Bible College and will contact us when he gets there.
When my daughter was 2.5 I met a man and we eventually married. Together have been able to provide a loving and supportive environment for my daughter. She considers my husband to be her daddy. My husband would like to adopt my daughter. Is this feasible? How difficult would this be? Can my daughter's father keep this from happening?
1 Answer from Attorneys
I do not think it would be easy to have your new husband adopt your daughter without her father's permission. If she considers your husband to be her dad, then that's great for you, and I am not sure your putting efforts into trying to formalize their relationship through adoption is necessary, let alone worthwhile. On the other hand, if your father's daughter is abusive and an alcoholic, you could possibly secure an order of protection for you, and perhaps your daughter, to keep him away from you both.