Legal Question in Family Law in New York

Rights: stay at home mother of three

There is no substitute for the legal advice you will get from sitting down with an attorney and discussing your own individual situation. However, there are some things you should know:

Who gets what in a divorce in NY is governed by the idea of "equitable distribution". Equitable does not mean equal; it means fair. And fair is what a judge says it is. There are guidelines, however.

You have not worked for a salary in 13 years, but you have stayed at home, raised the children, and maintained the home. You are entitled to "credit", if you will, for that work.

Your husband would be required to pay child support for the three children, as would you. There are published child support guidelines that the courts generally follow. For three children, the rule is that 29% of combined parental income will be allocated to support the children. If you pay 10% of that, he pays the other 90% of that. If we base the calculation on his $50,000 salary (and there are adjustments for various factors), total child support would be about $14,500 per year from both of you. As you know, that is a low number, with the cost of living today. But the reality is, that in a divorce, it is just not possible for two households to have the same standard of living which they enjoyed when they were one.

You would be entitled to what is called "maintenance", for some period of time. If you used to work, you could be required to go back to work eventually, if you are able to work. Or your husband might be ordered to pay for your schooling, until you could find a job to support yourself.

Your husband, if he moves out and lets you live in the house with the children (often, this is negotiated), would have living expenses; he would have to pay rent and utilities. He might need another car.There are many factors which courts look into, which is why I suggest you consult a lawyer.

Your outcome will also vary, depending upon your husband's desire to cooperate. If he wants to be adversarial, this process becomes long and expensive. For example, where will the children live? If they live with one parent, when will the other parent see them? There is a strong prejudice in favor of allowing the children to have contact with both parents, unless there are extreme circumstances.

You say your husband is an alcoholic; has he been diagnosed? Is he in treatment?

If your only asset is one-half of the house you live in, your legal rights may, as a practical matter, be determined by the amount of money in the household. You can't get blood from a stone.

Good luck.