Legal Question in Family Law in New York

Re: unmarried mom with new BF

I will try to answer your questions in order, but first, you should personally consult an attorney in your area to determine if all proper actions have been taken in your case.

Even if custody had been established, you can travel unless an agreement or court order forced you not too. Most courts would never restrict you from taking the children to visit your mother without a very good reason.

Next, you can visit your boyfriend for the same reasons.

The childrens father can travel with the children for the same reasons.

As for marriage with our boyfriend, you can get married. There might have to be an accomodiation with your childrens father.

You will want to talk to an attorney locally before you decide whether it is better to go for a custody order before marriage or after and have the living situation established before you bring it to court.

Lastly, there is a significant difference between a paternity acknowledgement and a order of paternity. You need an attorney in person to explain this.

Joel R. Salinger, Esq.

Re: unmarried mom with new BF

Wow mom, you have a bunch of questions here.

As you are both parents in custody of the children, you can both take them where ever you chose when they are with you until a court says otherwise. Assuming your new BF is not an inappropriate person for your kids to be around then Dad is going to have to deal. Besides he may have a new girl some day.

An acknowledgement of paternity is one way that a family court settles a paternity case. If the kids may not be his, better do a paternity test, otherwise go to court and get the paternity established by order using the acknowledgment.

Finally, it seems as if you and your ex may be able to work this out without expensive attorney fees. You should have a custody agreement. I usually recommend physical custody to one parent unless the parents agree to live within a 3 mile radius of each other and in the same school district. The out of physical custody parent gets equal say in school issues, and in major health issues (think surgery) but that the parent with the child at the time takes the child to the doctor or hospital at his or her own discretion.

Based on your questions it appears you and your ex were not married, hence you do not need a divorce. A mediation however may help you both resolve issues, draw up an agreement and have it signed as an order in Family court.

Why not contact the county Bar Association in your county (or dad's if it is different) to see if they have an Arbitration and Mediation program or call the American Arbitration Association. You can also find qualified Mediators by searching on the net. Finally make sure you use a lawyer as a mediator, a lawyer and an MSW or CSW would even be better. They can draw the accord up for signature and file it too.

Agreeing to get along for the sake of your children is about as important a thing a parent can do. Separation is tough on children, and being mature about it makes it so much easier on each other. Don't talk the other parent down, support each others decisions and when you can't try to talk it out privately before disagreeing infront of your kids.

As for your new BF, you may need to give your ex some time on that. Again remind him that he may sometime have a new girl and will want your support when he makes that move, and you will not unfairly withhold same in consideration of his willingness to support you now. Keep your word. 75 miles is an unfair distance requiring at least an hour and a half drive each way. If you are planning on moving, try to keep it at 35 miles or less. Anything more and you will have to consider more overnight visits for each other.

Good Luck.