Legal Question in Family Law in North Carolina

I have a fairly complicated situation. From some of the answers here, I realize that I have made a couple of mistakes already. I am currently unrepresented in a divorce and we are currently negotiating out of court.

Long story short, we have a house that is marital property and two kids. My first mistake was leaving the marital home. At the time it seemed like a good idea because my ex became violent and erratic while intoxicated on illegal substances and alcohol. He quickly changed the locks without grounds or intervention from a lawyer. I have not been able to enter my home unencumbered for three years. I did not sign any documents regarding the house yet so that is a plus. I think me moving out gave him more grounds over the house though.

I have had the children Monday- Friday since we legally separated three years ago. My ex agreed to this because I homeschool our kids and he works 8-5:30 M-F. When I ask him for help with their school work he agrees but his performance is inconsistent. I have documented several occasions of him not getting their work done and me picking up the slack. He wants custody 50/50 custody.

He made an insultingly low offer to buy me out of our house three times once for no money, once for $7,000, and once for $20,000. Comparable homes in the area have sold for $250,000- $300,000. I would like half the value of the house. I just know he is going to say that I am not entitled to half because he paid the bulk of the mortgage for years.

Here are some of my concerns:

- my ex has a long history of alcohol and illegal substance abuse

--I suspect he still has illegal substances in the house (mostly marijuana) but I do not have proof

--I could get proof but I do not want to cause a problem by sneaking around the house

--I suspect he takes our children to his ex-drug dealers' house. I cannot confirm if the man still sells drugs or not but I know my ex still hangs with the man.

-- I have addressed his extreme drunkenness around the kids via text at least once

-he was been detained for driving drunk but I can't find his records

-though he has a well-documented history of not getting lessons done with our kids, he wants custody with alternating weeks.

--he communicated through his lawyer that he has time to do their lessons but he has consistently told me that he does not have time to do them during the three years we weren't together

-he has been extremely unpleasant to me during our separation fostering a hostile co-parenting relationship

--he talks to the kids about me in a negative way

--he goes out of his way to be unkind to me. He does everything from "accidentally" forgetting to have our kids call me on Mother's Day to intentionally miscommunicating with me about things regarding the kids. He constantly threatens to, "stop being a nice guy."

-on one occasion he refused to return our children to me because he didn't want to drop them off

-he has never paid child support per the court order. I believe it says to pay in full $1200 on the first of the month but he pays whenever he wants.

-he admitted in writing to having an std but not telling me about it (2013) until after I got pregnant with our first child

-- I am not sure if a statute of limitations on a criminal case regarding this has expired and I am not sure if I can bring a civil case against him at this point

-- I really just want him to pay my health care costs in the event that I become ill. It's the kind of illness that can cause cancer or it may never activate at all.

Is it possible to force him to get a drug test? Is there anything I can do to negotiate an amount for my health care? I want to remain civil and avoid damaging his relationship with our kids.

I appreciate any advice you may have.


Asked on 8/02/23, 3:13 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys

You do not have a complicated situation. The reason it sems complicated to you, is you are personally in the middle of it and don't know what you are doing - in the same way rebuilding your car's transmission seems complicated to you but really isn't to a mechanic. Your only mistake is attempting to handle your own legal work - all of the mistakes you describe stem from that one incredibly bad idea. You'd likely in a million years never even think to attempt to rebuild your car's transmission - let alone actually try it. Yet it seems you had no qualms about trying to do your own legal work. That is the functional equivalent of attempting to rebuild your car's transmission if you aren't a mechanic - with similar results as well. Actually you'd likely have better odds of getting the rebuild right (at least they have manuals for that). So what you need to do before you screw things up for yourself worse than you likely already have, is go consult with a local family law attorney ASAP. Your spouse needs to be put in his place and forced to do right and you are likely not equipped to do that. If being able to afford an attorney is a concern it is possible to look into making him pay your legal fees if you are the dependent spouse. The time for being civil is likely over - as that is apparently not working. Best of luck

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Answered on 8/03/23, 6:38 am


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