Legal Question in Family Law in Oklahoma

Re: Gaining child custody from an uncooperative parent

I do not practice in your state and I don't know the law in your state. What I'm telling you here is based on my state law, so you should certainly talk to your attorney before you act.

You said, "Her attorney advised her to let me see the kids before court which weakened my case and ultimately lost the case."

I'm not as certain as you are that you lost the case only because mom relented. My state's law on custody sets a high hurdle to jump before the court entertains a custody modification, let alone grants it. My district court is loathe to change the child's residence if the parents can work out a compromise or if the court can solve the problems without a change in residence. I suspect that's what happened with you.

You said, "Now she is back to her old tricks of hanging up the phone while in conversation with the kids, in the background you can hear her telling the kids what to say since she does not want to talk with me directy even if it's hateful."

If her true motivation is merely to avoid you (and I suspect there's more to it than that), then ask her (in writing) to implement the solution I suggest to all parents and to the court (if she refuses, you could move the court to implement the schedule) -- set up a regular telephone schedule such as �between 6:50 and 7:15 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday evening and between 8:00 and 8:20 p.m. every Sunday evening.� The regular times enable all parties to plan for the calls and to avoid planning activities that would interfere with the calls. When the phone rings at scheduled times, mom doesn't answer the phone. She just hollers, �Kids, that's probably your dad. Answer it, please.� Since the children are entitled to privacy when they talk to you, she's (hopefully) not in the room because she didn't pick up the phone. If it's not you, they'll give her the phone. If nobody's home, you leave a message and the kids call you back before they go to bed; ultimately it's mom's responsibility to remind the kids to return the call.

You said, "The oldest of the three says she doesn't speak badly of him but . . . "

I bought a book for my kids 11 years ago, and now I recommend it to clients. It's �The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce,� by Dr. Richard Gardner, a psychiatrist who counsels children during and after divorce. His book is written directly to children and is in a format easy for a normal 8 to 10 year old to read. It answers such questions as what to do when one parent speaks badly of the other. I suggest you get this book and read it to the kids next time they're with you. Role model the solutions with you first being the kid to show them how they can respond, then you be the bad-mouther and let the kids practice their responses. There's no way to prove what mom says and there's no way to stop her, so it's going to be up to the kids to short-circuit her �payoff� for speaking badly of you. If they won't be the audience, there's less payoff.