Legal Question in Family Law in Texas

I have full custody of my 8yr.old daughter and my ex husband has Saturday supervised visitations. Prior to my divorce,

he left my daughter unsupervised at her bday pool party when she was 4yr. old and she almost drowned.I was cleaning up in the clubhouse and instructed him to put water wings on her, and supervise her while I cleaned up after the party, which he did not. One of the moms saved her.She saw her finger tips at the surface of the water. She did not know how to swim.He left her alone at GhattiTown in the movie room when she was three years old to go get more pizza at the buffet across the bulding in another area. He has a history of being verbally abusive and demeaning to my daughter and myself.My daughter's Montessori preschool teacher and owner indicated their concern as they had witnessed his demeaning and demoralizing behavior towards my daughter and that a parent had reported concern that he may have been hurting her per their observation. The divorce decree labels him as passively neglectful.I have my concerns about my daughter's emotional and physical welfare in his care.During supervised visits, he becomes dysfunctional with my daughter, and I have to interveve with his dysfunctional parenting. He then becomes verbally abusive to me and very toxic in the presence of my daughter. When he is alone with my daughter, he can play well with her and the visit is positive, but not always.I went to a psychologist for help and she recommended allowing him visits apart from me while monitoring his behavior. If he did not maintain positive parenting, then we would revert back to supervised visits with me present. My psychologist defined supervision as being general from "me being present "to" a plan agreed upon for a visit without me." I am not sure if this is the case and I want to do the right thing. I am struggling with whether to let my exhusband have a day without me with my daughter or to remain the supervised visit. I am tying to provide happy healthy time for my daughter and her dad.He can be a great dad, but he is dysfunctional so much of the time. I do not want to share custody with him. He is talking going to court for half custody. He recently moved in with a girlfriend and her two children.He is gone most of the time doing pharmacueutical studies as a lab subject, to earn his income. He is gone on weekends and sometimes weeks at a time. I would never allow some stranger to be my daughter's guardian while he was away. My daughter does not want to go visit him at his girlfriend's. I question the guidelines for Supervised Visitations and what alternatives do I have to provide healthy time for my daughter to be with her dad wihout giving up my full custody. I think short visits are safer and I would not agree to overnight stays or sharing custody.Supervised visits are so toxic and I can not allow my daughter to be exposed to that.On the other hand, I worry about his judgement and parenting behavior if I am not present.He took her tubing on the river this summer without my consent without a life jacket and he went under the water by the current's force for awhile leaving her all by herself on top. He also denied her the right to call me (when I left them them the house to visit )while she was upset by his parenting and she wanted to call me. She was so upset, she cried and vomited. He tells her that she is going to spend the night with him and she has no say about it. It upsets her. He is going to try to sue me if I do not agree to allowing him part custody.Some of the time he is ok with her ,but most of the time his behavior is a problem and I do not think he can change.He was severly abused and neglected as a child and I think he has permanent damage from his childhood. I do not know what to do. I told him we would return to supervised visits again and he refused to come see my daughter today and threatened to sue me. What do you reccommend i do? I believe his history and his unstable incom and living with a girlfriend is not in his favor. He threatens that the fact that i have allowed unsupervised visits has gone against the divorce decree and i am concerned it may be in his favor that I allowed it. i am just trying ti give my daughter a happy healthy life with her dad, as i mentioned and maintain my full custody . Thank you. This has been a struggle for me and a gray area.


Asked on 9/19/09, 11:37 am

2 Answers from Attorneys

Patricia F. Bushman BUSHMAN LAW OFFICES

There is no question here, just a long rambling, contradictory story. If you are gong back to Court, you need a good family law attorney.

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Answered on 9/25/09, 10:18 am
Keith Engelke Law Office of S. Keith Engelke

For your ex to change visitation, he has to file a motion to modify. He has to sue you.

The issue is whether or not you will oppose his request. Based upon the history you have provided, it sound's like this is something you think you should do.

The judge's decision will be based upon what he feels is in the best interest of the child.

The language in most divorce decrees regarding custody is usually preceeded by the words "unless agreed otherwise" While you did not violate your decree when you allowed your ex to have some unsupervised visits, it appears that you think that doing so was a mistake.

I suggest you consult with some professionals on this. Ms. Bushman is correct. You do need a good family law attorney.

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Answered on 9/27/09, 7:48 pm


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