Legal Question in Family Law in Virginia

Child Custody Agreement

I have sole legal custody of my son. His father has had little to do with him despite my pleads to bond with him. He has filed for 3 motions in the court; lowering child support (he's $3400 in arrears), visitation (he has as much as he wants now), and joint custody. I don't care about the money. He set the amount when I filed for sole custody and he's not even paying that. He assumed if I died, my mother (now deceased) would raise his son. Now he wants to ensure that if I die, he does not have to fight for custody. I do not want him to raise our son. He is unresponsible, can't manage money, selfish, and emotionally abusive. He doesn't even have a primary residence. In the meantime, he's offered me a deal. He will drop the joint custody motion if I agree to lower the support (which I do) and give him a personal notorized letter stating that he can raise our son if were to die. Is the letter legal? Can I override this letter with my Last Will and Testament and leave custody to someone else? Should I just go ahead with the court in hopes I can get a final ruling for sole custody? I heard it is hard to retain sole custody these days and that's why I was comtemplating the deal.


Asked on 11/10/01, 6:57 am

1 Answer from Attorneys
Paul B. Ward Law Offices of Paul B. Ward

Re: Child Custody Agreement

You already have sole custody of your son. What you are really looking for is a way to terminate his parental rights, which include the right to visitation and, more especially, the right to substitute for you in the event of your death before the child reaches 18. You cannot override his parental rights by naming someone else as custodian of your son in the event of your death. The process is more complicated and can best be done by you, rather than by someone after your death. You must essentially prove to the court that he is an unfit parent, a pretty heavy burden of proof, especially if he is currently exercising visitation. If you feel he is an unfit parent, you should not be allowing him to exercise visitation with your son.

Care about the money -- if for no other reason than for the benefit of you son. If your ex is behind in support, I question whether he has the right to ask for changes in custody and visitation; he hasn't kept up his end of the parenting bargain. In legal terms, he is asking a court of equity for relief, but he doesn't have clean hands.

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Answered on 11/12/01, 10:09 am


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