Legal Question in Family Law in Virginia

Custody case nearing

We have a custody case in six weeks, my husband and I are petitioning for fully custody of his three children. The reason that we are asking for full and not shared is that the children hate their step father and he feels the same way about the kids. He has threatened them, blamed them for marital problems, called them profane names, talked down to them, and hit them. We feel that this is not a good environment for the kids to grow up in. We have been asked to try to come to a common ground with the mother, we refuse of course shared custody unless the step father will be out of the house while the kids are in her custody...is this being unreasonable? We live 1/4 mile away from the kids mother and have no problem with them seeing her, we just want them to have the option to leave the house when their step father treats them badly. The kids are 13, 11, and 10 and have told the Gaurdian Ad Litem that they want to move and why but feel that the mother will still be seen in a more favorable light. Should we consider shared custody although we dont feel its the best for the kids ?


Asked on 8/17/05, 11:08 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys
Fred Kaufman Fredrick S. Kaufman, Esquire

Re: Custody case nearing

Iy's the old ageage that you can't choose your relatives. However in this case mother had a choice about the new man she let into her children's life. Now that he is a parent (as is fathers wife) he has certain rights. One is usually not denied any contact as a parent or a step parent unless you can prove actual harm. One often has mean parents that are unpleasant to be around, this is not the same as abuse. I'd say you deserve primary custody if mother cannot protect the children from their step fathers abuse, definitely protect them froma actual harm but I think your expectation to shut him out is unrealistic and hurtful if that means greater separation from their mother.

It is not a perfect world - make the best of it and protect the children to the extent practicable.

Also custody is control of decisions not time spent with a parent. You can have sole custody but they end up spending more hours at moms house. You may want shared legal custody with mom but some tighter control over exposure to step dad. Limit not divest. This is the most likely outcome in court anyway.

Good luck

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Answered on 8/18/05, 6:03 am


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