Legal Question in Family Law in Virginia

Based on what you have presented, you would be justified in leaving. Even if your leaving were determined not to have been justified, having "abandoned" the marriage would not be a bar to your receiving spousal suport; the only action that might bar spousal support would be a finding of your having committed adultery, and even then only if such a denial of spousal support would not be a "manifest injustice".

There is no bar to receiving child support if you are the custodial parent.

No matter how the two of you separate, you will need to gain custody, either through agreement or through court action, and his conduct of drinking and "going out" will be considered in a court case; the standard for a court determining who should have custody is that which is in the best interests of the children.

On the separation issue, it is possible to be separated while living under the same roof. If he is not willing to agree that you have been separated for nearly a year, you will need to be able to prove that you have not lived together as husband and wife, generally that you have not slept in the same room, not had intimate relations, not attended social functions together, not have taken meals together, or jointly done other household duties like cooking and cleaning, and have indicated to others that you are separated. You can file for divorce as soon as you have been separated for one year; but if you file on fault grounds, such as his constructive desertion of the marriage, or his adultery if it can be proved, you can file before the completion of one year of separation.