Legal Question in Family Law in Virginia

Unknown child support order

I was legaly separated and then divorced. Everything was thought to be mutual. Child support was agreed to be worked out amongst ourselves, no court order. i did not appear at the last divorce hearing the cop that served me said it was just a formality, you don't have to go. this was july. August I get stopped on a traffic violation, and they find something saying i owe someone, there's no name involved $4000. No clue of what or who. The magistrate lets me leave because he has no idea what the paper means. I call my ex on a hunch,the next morning on my way to court, they ask me to appear to figure out what was going on, and she says she filed for child support and gave them the figure of $4000, for child care while we were seperated. I was seeing my son weekly and giving her money. Of course I have no record of money I've given her. I am scared they will incarcerate me if i'm pulled over for not appearing in court and the $4000. will Child support services work some kind of payment plan out? Can i see my son? How should i go about this and keep my freedom. My ex has since asked me to give up parental rights but i am involved and love my son. Please help!

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