Legal Question in Family Law in Washington
Possible Divorce
I plan to leave my husband of 10 years with my 2 daughters, 5 and 10. I need to know if I should confront him and tell him I am leaving and try to work it out between the 2 of us hoping he decides not plan attack behind my back or if I should just leave with my daughters when he is not around and deal with him after the fact. I have tried to leave a couple of times only to stay and hope for change, which NEVER happens. The man is very recluse,and very secretive about everything he does. After 14 years of living with him, he still does not trust me with anything. He has made a point of hiding everything from me and I am flipping tired of it! I have no idea where I stand financially as far as life insurance, property which we built a house on that is still in his Mother's name, even though she has already given it to hm, yet he pays the taxes. He has all this money, but does not give me any for bills, food or any basic needs. He will not share a bank account, does not play a role as a family member as far as doing anything with us such as vacations, weekend trips, social functions of any sort. I have bn divorced twice previously so I am a bit scared. I am sure this is why I am still married to this man with no future. Please help!
1 Answer from Attorneys
Re: Possible Divorce
You are describing textbook domestic violence based on extreme control. What you are describing is the opposite of a trusting, loving marriage and I am sure you know this.
You should start with your local domestic violence resource, whatever that is. Use Google and get phone numbers.
You need a safety plan. Your safety plan will probably not involve announcing to him that you are leaving, because that could get you killed. Sorry to be so blunt but that's the truth.
You can learn about your personal finances from a position of safety.
Call for help; make a plan; follow it.
You have to re-arrange your thinking to comprehend that the marriage is a sham and he will eventually hurt you, and possibly your children as well.
There is something wrong with him. Don't dwell on this, just get ready to go.
Once you reach out and make contact there are resources available to you that will help you with your needs.
Good luck, stay safe and reach out for help now. Once you and the children are safe you can get the money straightened out. WA is a community property state and title is not dispositive, rather, you own half of everything he owns (and vice versa).
Elizabeth Powell
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