Legal Question in Family Law in Washington

Your case is one that is all too common in the sense that the step-parent has turned your ability to see and interact with your daughter into a nightmare. That said, your write up has lots of information that brings up lots of questions in my mind, the answers to which may change how I respond here. That said, I am going to make some assumptions for purposes of this answer. If you like, you may contact me after reading this and I can clarify some of what I have written here after we speak.

That said, my first assumption here is that even though your ex moved out of state without a modification of the parenting plan, since that happened in 2006, I will assume that you and she worked something out in terms of visitation. However, it appears that this was never put into writing as part of a new agreed Parenting Plan, and now the problem you have is that there is no Parenting Plan that you can seek to enforce in court, which is why it appears you are now filing to modify the old Parenting Plan to come up with something that addresses your current situation.

By way of background, even if my client agrees to a modification of a Parenting Plan, I always try to get it in writing so that later on, if there are problems, such as you have with a planning visit to see you, we can have something to go to court with to get your child on the plane out to see you.

Looking forward from where you're at now, I'd say that much of what you want will probably happen. For example, a set schedule where you will know what visits your daughter is coming to see you for, and if you like, what visits you can make out to see her. These would be non-negotiable, unless you agree otherwise with your ex.

As far as dealing with your ex's new husband, that may be a little tougher. You can restrict some of his access or involvement, but as a practical matter, not down to zero. For example, if your ex and daughter are in a car accident, who is supposed to be your point of contact until you get there? What about if you need to reach your ex and she's out? So, as a practical matter, even if a court orders the step-father to "butt out," as a practical matter that is not helpful.

That said, if communications are difficult, which appears to be the case here, I'd ask for language in a Parenting Plan that specifies that e-mail be the preferred method of contact. That way, at least you and the step-father don't have to personally interact. This way, if you can't reach your ex by telephone, then you can at least e-mail her, to the extent you need to. On the other hand, I would also set up a Parenting Plan that calls for fixed dates or parameters to set those dates, so that it's not a question of "if" but rather a question of "when" your child visits and returns home. Perhaps the only thing you would have to call or e-mail about are flight number, airline, and departure and arrival times.

As far as extra-curricular activities, I think if you can't speak to the mother about these, than e-mail will solve the problem. You can't as a practical matter, stop the step-father from getting online and writing back to you on the mother's account, but at least you can do it all in writing. A good parenting plan will address how disputes over these things are resolved, so that you don't have to worry about how the mechanics of dispute resolution work, and instead concentrate on getting through it.

As for your ex contacting you through your daughter, that is a huge "no-no" in family law. Judges in particular do not like to see it since it brings the child into conflicts that are none of her affair and which can be harmful to her. So yes, in short, I am sure we could get a court to sign off on language in a Parenting Plan that specifies that neither parent shall communicate any messages to the other parent through the child� period.

Again, if you would like to further discuss this matter, please feel free to get in touch with me anytime, and I hope this response helps you.